It’s a Pity Party—RSVP and BYOB!

August 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm 6 comments

Me circa March 2007

So in the essence of full disclosure, I had a major pity party last night.

I was procrastinating  studying for my final exam and I decided engage in a completely random activity–look through old pictures from my digital camera, as far back as Feb 2007.  It was quite entertaining and Matt and I had a few good chuckles about how heavy he used to be (Seriously, it looks like he got attacked by a swarm of bees and puffed up).

But the pictures of me were a different story. Ignoring bad hair coloring, I was shocked to see how friggin’ THIN I was in those pictures (see above). Back then I had never been more obsessed with healthy eating, dieting, and more MISERABLE than I was at that time. But I regardless of that, I was thin. It certainly was a jolt to see myself in a way more slender body.

Which of course caused me to look down at my body now, which, don’t get me wrong, I revel in my voluptuousness…most of the time. But comparing my body now with my body of 3-4 years ago was very difficult.

And then the pity party started.

“Look at you, you can’t maintain your weight”

“You’re weak, you should have more discipline”

“You should eat less, exercise more, go on a diet. How could you let yourself get to this point?”

“You should be ashamed of yourself. You’re studying to be a dietitian, for crying out loud! Why will people want to listen to you if you can’t even keep your own weight down?”

And then, the victim voices:

“Well, you do gain weight as you age”

“My schedule has changed and I don’t have as much time to exercise and I’m stressed all the time.”

As you can imagine, I felt as though I was insane. It WAS insane.

So I made a compromise with myself: Go ahead and think these thoughts, feel badly about yourself, but you only have until the end of the night. Wake up tomorrow morning and it’s a new day. No more of this bullshit.

And you know what, it worked. I let myself be grumpy, angry, ashamed, sad, and spent sometime mourning my former self (which, according to my friends and loved ones, was too thin) and then went to bed. I woke up with a smile on my face, put on an outfit that made me feel fabulous, and sashayed out the door.

I’m just like you—I have the same negative thoughts about my body, and even with the massive amounts of work I’ve done on myself, sometimes they rear their ugly head when you least expect it (like 10pm on a Tuesday evening). By allowing myself to experience these negative feelings, I was able to move past them much more quickly.

So often women in particular are afraid of making waves in their life, and instead plaster on a smile and pretend like they’re OK. I used to be like that…it lead to a lot of issues, especially around food (aka binges). If you’re feeling crappy, seriously, give yourself some time to feel crappy, embrace the crappiness,  and then say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on.  Look at yourself in the mirror and say, I Love you, body!

Have you ever experienced this? Do you feel like you’re allowed to throw yourself a pity party?

Me circa July 2010


Entry filed under: nutrition. Tags: , , , , , .

No calories exist in Cape May BPA-Free water bottles–which one for me?

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Abbey  |  August 4, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    OMG. You look healthy and beautiful…like you should be starring in a milk commercial, showing off your health and your glow. The picture from a few years ago reminds me of the 1st time I saw you and hugged you at that weight. I remember thinking “she is SO thin I could wrap my arms around her twice.” I am so glad you’re healthy, enjoying food and enjoying life now!!! AND I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the new picture!

  • 2. Caroline  |  August 5, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    Oh my goodness. I feel you on this one. I had recurrent tonsilitis for years and would get super high fevers and lose crazy amounts of weight. Now, I, like you, was way miserable, but it has been an adjustment to be well having had those puppies out and accept that my natural weight is about 15 pounds heavier than I was a year and a half ago in the thick of being sick.


    I do like the you in 2010 much better- you look amazing!

    • 3. Amanda  |  August 6, 2010 at 11:29 am

      Caroline, thank you for your comments! It always makes me feel so much better to learn of someone else’s story, and how they found peace at their “happy” weight, which quite often isn’t the weight that we had in mind. Thank you!

  • 4. Tamra Geryk  |  August 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

    i love you… i love this post… i love them all… and of course any girl can relate in their own way to what you share. your honesty and authenticity are appreciated and you touch my heart and soul with your this… thank you xo

    • 5. Amanda  |  August 9, 2010 at 12:45 am

      thanks so much, T. Love you.

  • 6. Larie  |  August 13, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Thank you for the very honest post. You’re not alone and I’m sure many women can certainly relate. I had my share of pity parties. Personally, the negative self talk about my body tapered off after giving birth to my twins. My body was healthy and strong enough to carry 2 beautiful robust babies and I am grateful for that. My body is still clinging onto 10 extra baby pounds. As long as I am healthy, I don’t stress over it. Anyway, you look beautiful to me always. 🙂


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